Feeling all sorts of ways

Don't know how to feel at times

I know that I should be more positive at this point in time of my life. I am married with a beautiful husband that have many qualities that I admire and which are hard to find in a spouse. We have been together for the last 6 years, and we have been through a lot of ups and downs where there were more down times. We recently started to get onto the right track where he is really trying to change his negative ways to improve the marriage. I am recognizing those important changes to not only improve the marriage, but my self-worth as well.

When me and my husband used to argue at each other, we used to call one another such bad names that we couldn't take back till' this day. I recently stopped trying to sabotage our marriage at times during arguments by trying to run him away forever. I just admitted that to my husband recently. I was doing those things, because I felt so guilty about the situations that we caused one another and we were continuing to act very vulgar and mean towards each other for a while. I didn't really understand before, but now I realize that words can cause lot of mental damage and anguish. I feel really hurt and devastated on the damage that happened between us, and even though we are still together, I think about the past that was bad all the time. Continuing to think negative is only hurting our marriage, not helping it and making the good times that we do have seem non-existent.

We both feel that we should try from scratch no matter what we have done to each other in the past 6 years that we have been together. I am not saying that the whole 6 years of our relationship was negative, but I am saying that it took a whole lot of work to get where we are presently at right now. I am grateful for that because I am well aware that it does take daily work to have a strong relationship.